How to Process Anger (And What It’s Really Telling You)

Why Anger Feels So Difficult

Anger is often the emotion people fear most — either because they worry it will overwhelm them or because they were taught it was unacceptable.

As a result, anger is commonly:

• Suppressed

• Turned inward

• Released explosively

• Followed by guilt or shame

None of these mean anger is “bad.”
They mean anger hasn’t been safely supported.

The Anger Iceberg: What Anger Is Protecting

Anger is rarely the primary emotion. It often sits above more vulnerable feelings.

Beneath anger may be:

• Hurt

• Fear

• Shame

• Grief

• Rejection

• Feeling powerless or unseen

Anger provides energy and protection. It creates boundaries. But when the emotions beneath remain unacknowledged, anger can feel chronic or disproportionate.

How Long Does Anger Last in the Body? (The Science)

From a physiological perspective:

• Anger activates the sympathetic nervous system

• The surge of adrenaline and cortisol typically lasts 90 seconds to 20 minutes

• If anger continues beyond this, it’s usually being re-triggered by thoughts, memories, or suppression

Unprocessed anger often remains in the body as:

• Muscle tension

• Jaw clenching

• Headaches

• Digestive issues

• Chronic irritability

Anger doesn’t last — unless it isn’t allowed to move through.

Why Naming Anger Matters

Many people struggle because they feel anger but don’t allow themselves to name it.

They may say:
“I’m just stressed.”
“I’m tired.”
“It’s nothing.”

But unnamed anger doesn’t disappear. It leaks out sideways.

Naming anger:

• Reduces shame

• Clarifies boundaries

• Prevents emotional build-up

• Makes anger easier to regulate

You can name anger without acting on it.
Recognition is not the same as aggression.

Why Sitting With Anger Is Essential

Avoiding anger keeps it stuck.

Sitting with anger — safely — allows:

• The nervous system to discharge activation

• Underlying emotions to surface

• Boundaries to become clearer

• Anger to soften rather than escalate

This doesn’t mean acting it out.
It means allowing its presence without fear.

Anger moves through when it is acknowledged, felt, and understood.

“If you find anger difficult to process, you may also struggle to identify or sit with emotions more broadly. You may find it helpful to read my article on why you struggle to process your emotions and what actually helps.”

How Therapy Helps With Anger

Therapy offers a space where anger can exist without judgment.

In therapy, we:

• Normalise anger as a protective emotion

• Help you name it safely

• Explore what sits beneath it

• Build regulation before expression

When anger is understood, it becomes less frightening — and far less disruptive.

Anger isn’t something to get rid of.
It’s something to listen to, respect, and integrate.

“If anger, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm are affecting your relationships or wellbeing, therapy can offer a safe space to explore this at your pace. You can find out more about working with me here.”